She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
