Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
