the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
