you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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