Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
