Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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