ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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