Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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