he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
