We're facebook friends in real life
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
