I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
