I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Your mouth is God's brothel.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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