I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
