why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
