Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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