Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
