It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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