How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
