Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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