My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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