Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
