one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
