You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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