So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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