someone threw a dead crab at me
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
