i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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