My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
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