so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
