There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I have tasted many bathrooms
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
