he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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