woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
