Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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