This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
