just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
