why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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