He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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