i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
