still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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