I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
