dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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