im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You were trust falling into bushes
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