I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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