Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
