She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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