Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
