The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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