I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
