No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
