Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
