It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
